Why Coercive Control Goes Unnoticed and Why It Should be in Everyone’s Conversation

The invisibility problem

Coercive control doesn’t announce itself. It hides behind everyday actions “over-complimenting,” “subtle insults,” “shared devices,” “sudden concern,” “questioning,” or turning guilt into a weapon making the other person feel responsible for the controller’s pain. Individually, these acts appear harmless even caring.

Together, they form a pattern of domination. This is why so many cases go unnoticed.

Understanding the pattern

Think of coercive control as the theft of free will. It’s not about anger it’s about entitlement. Technology now makes that entitlement easier to enforce. Shared devices, mirrored messages, passcodes “for transparency,” and location sharing under the guise of concern.

This is Technology-Based Coercive Control (TBCC) where control hides inside your phone, not your home. What looks like connection becomes surveillance. What feels like care becomes control.

A human-rights issue

At its core, coercive control breaches the fundamental rights we all share - liberty, privacy, equality, and personal security.

And it is genderless. Abuse does not belong to one gender; it belongs to whoever seeks to dominate another.

Men, women, and nonbinary people can all be victims or survivors. What matters is not who you are or how confused you’ve been made to feel but who is hurting you, and how your freedom has been replaced by fear.

And when that fear starts to feel normal, pause and ask yourself: Do you recognise it as fear?

Psychological harm is a crime

If another person’s actions are causing you psychological distress, fear, or confusion, you have rights. Emotional or mental harm sits at the intersection of mental integrity, liberty, and personal security.

You do not need to face physical violence to seek protection. In Victoria and across Australia, you can take action through Intervention Orders (FVIO/PSIO), stalking or unlawful tracking laws, or digital safety complaints through eSafety.gov.au.

Your well-being, privacy, and peace of mind are protected interests under law. Feeling unsafe is reason enough to act.

What you can do right now

Until coercive control becomes a standalone offence in Victoria, victims and survivors can still act under current frameworks:

 

• Stalking (Crimes Act 1958 s21A) - covers repeated contact, surveillance, or electronic monitoring.
• Surveillance Devices Act 1999 - prohibits using or installing tracking devices without consent.
• Image-Based Abuse offences - make it illegal to share or threaten to share intimate images.
• FVIO / PSIO - Intervention Orders can ban contact, tracking, or publishing of images.
• eSafety Commissioner — handles online abuse, TBCC, and image-based harm; can compel takedowns.

 

Document patterns, not incidents. Report early, even if it feels small. Use technology logs, screenshots, and timestamps as proof of the pattern.

Who must lead this conversation

This isn’t just a policing issue it’s a societal blind spot. Real progress requires a chorus of systems working together:

 

• Policy & law reform - to align with the 2027 South Australian model.
• Police and courts - to recognise patterns and act before escalation.
• Advocates and NGOs - including Safe and Equal, Respect Victoria, No to Violence, One in Three.
• Technology sector - to identify coercive conduct through platform data and design.
• Community - to reject gender stereotypes and listen without bias.

 

If no one reports it, nothing happens. And when nothing happens, silence becomes systemic permission.